I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
