no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
