do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
