I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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