i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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