There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
