all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
