it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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