the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
