My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
