Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
