So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
jump out the window naked night went bad
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
