i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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