things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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