I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize