My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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