I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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