Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
