there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sober January is a disaster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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