Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
