I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
