this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
