singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
