i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
