I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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