I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
