Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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