Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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