"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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