Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
