I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
