I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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