That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
