Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
