Just fell off a train. Bad.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
