So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize