I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
