I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize