I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
