Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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