I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
