i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry about my life...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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