You just made me feel so damn special
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
