If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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