I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize