in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
