doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
