there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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