I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
