dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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