how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize