He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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