She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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