Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
