I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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