Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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