Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
