Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
