Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
